Reel Politics: If Hollywood Ran America
Once again, The FOX Network has outsmarted the liberals by exposing Hollywood to the bright lights of conservative rightiousness. During the 4 hour Academy Awards broadcast FOX snuck in a real ratings grabber. They asked the question that's on every American's mind "What If Hollywood Ran America?" Journalist Bill McCuddy, was sent to Hollywood Blvd to ask every day Americans what Hollywood Liberal Elitist they'd vote into the most important offices in our country. Some of the answers might suprise you, possibly by the fact that they'll not be documented here. During the second half of the 1 hour New Special, McCuddy and his some of his PunditPals ran down the greatest hits list of possible candidates to various Government positions. Fictional Hollywood Government Oliver Stone "Ambassador To Cuba" *Stone's documentary on Cuba was such a piece of obvious propaganda that due to that fact, HBO refused to air it. As some of you may have heard, HBO's decision to pull the film had nothing to do with Castro's timely decision to execute a group of Cuban Terrorists or protests from American/Cuban Lobbies. *Stone has called Castro "One of the Earth's wisest people." Harry Belafonte "Ambassador To Venezuela" *Nominated for his positive views of Communism, not his enormous talent or his inhumane positions on civil rights which aid the spread of disease through public drinking fountains. Johnny Depp "Ambassador To France *Will not raise children in America *Thinks Americans are dumb and like to hurt Puppies Gwyneth Paltrow "Ambassador To England" *During her pregnancy, she sought the superior aid of American hospitals. *Is known to backslide on statements regarding her National allegiance *Is anti-union and supports the trade practices of The Greatest President *Owns her own sweatshops in China and enjoys personally cracking the whip whenever production is slowed by natural disasters, rice shortages or child birth. Meryl Streep "UN Ambassador" *Good with accents *Non Political *Supports the reduction of government Sylvester Stallone "Mexican Ambassador" *Does not value his own life *Supports building Earth's "Greater Wall" on the Mexican border *Supports and Enjoys the punching of Illegal Mexican Immigrants Antonio Banderas "Head of INS" (The Migra) *Mexican *Knows how to hide a gun inside of a guitar case *Did I mention that he's a Filthy Mexican? Jane Fonda "Secretary of Defense" *Noted for her brash "For Your Consideration" urinal stickers *Supports The Greatest President, as well as the fiscally responsible corporate contractors in Iraq Clint Eastwood "President Of The United States" *President Eastwood has denied any knowledge of "all the crap". Fictional Lower Office Nominees Robert Redford "Nominee For Cuban Ambassador" *Robert Redford was said to have been offered the illustrious "Cuban Ambassador" position, but recused himself in the wake of his critically failed film "Havana". Demi Moore, "Nominee For SECDEF" *Vast military experience as seen in "Gi Jane" and "A Few Good Men" Fictional Presidential Nominees Sean Penn *Tough on defense as seen in the wake of Hurricane Katrina *Is know to pass out in the presence of a certain French Gypsy *Would defend us against China with what he calls a "Shanghai Suprise" *His late, great brother totally fuckin wins! *Disqulaified for "Beady Eyes" Oprah Winfrey *Seen as both Thin and Generous *Disqualified due to her generosity toward typical "Stay to remain connecterd to their sourcers" in the wake of Hurricane Katrina Mel Gibson *Not disqulified because of his DUI arrest Angelina Jolie *Brad Pitt would make a stunning First Lady *Disqualified due to her full time residence in New Orleans Clint Eastwood *Bilingual, he can spell Iwo Jima in two different languages Barbara Streisand *Dropped out due to a disparity between the square footage of her current residence and that of The White House Notable Contributors To The Broadcast Matt Damon *Private Ryan's involvement in The Fictional Hollywood Government is still unknown. *Damon loves to criticize The War in Iraq, and credit's the war with his ability to criticize anything publicly. *Damon believes there is a special sort of American who is forced by his wealth and bravery to defend America in Iraq. *Damon supports The Draft Jackie Mason *Challenges liberals who oppose The War in Iraq to find Iraq on a map. *Has threatened to "Buy Out" Bushwood Country Club and turn it into an Amusement Park if his demands of inclusion for his daughter in Bunny Skylar's brunch aren't met. "MASH Creator" Larry Gelbart *Believes The Greatest President's administration to populated by "scumbags". *Said "This administration has not an ounce of pity stowed in their irremediable, falsely optimistic hearts." *Created a television show that just wasn't funny "Critic and Noted Heterosexual" Michael Medved *Enjoys a good Nazi cartoon from Germany